Its interesting how life’s just evolves and things happen wither your aware of it or not. Life comes in a full circle and one day your this ego ridden teenage, mad at the world, and wanting to rebel. The next moment your 30 and you should have it all figured out. What happens if you don’t, if you realize that you spent along time following dreams others set out for you. What happens if you spent along journey being lost and you didn’t even know you were lost. You lived this journey full of amazing moments and memories and and it ended and you didn’t realize it did. You just started living this life that evolved around you. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that life’s a waste of there are not some wonderful beautiful things that come out this. I think I realized for the first time, that I have been living life and thinking that I was on my journey and I still didn’t feel quite right like it wasn’t for me it wasn’t my path, it was meant for someone else. I came to a realization oddly enough being reunited with a band (Pearl Jam) that touched me so much as a teen. When I was trying so hard to be like everyone else and tried to act like I was normal. Before I realized that everyone else was acting to nobody was normal, life wasn’t normal. Their music made me feel that it was okay to feel and be fucked up, angry, sad, that these were real feelings too and you needed them to live. I had been watching a movie Twenty about Pearl Jam and their Journey and listening to their music and I crossed paths with a former version of my self. Especially when I listened to this song,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0pmP14Dhxk
I truly felt something inside me shift, I had a realization I had been riding a Journey of being lost. I spent a lot of time over the past couple of years researching every work option out there for someone like me. I think somehow I burnt out or lost the magic that I want to feel like everyday. I spend working away from my family whom I love I devote my self to something creative of I am passionate about. I finally think that I may know that I need to let go move on and regenerate something challenging and motivating and I believe I will always want to be working with people and helping them in some way. I might just have found myself again in the last place I expected it. I subconsciously had this realization and once I recognize this and started to think about me my life and where I want to go This incredible feeling of being lost was gone and I may yet not know where I am going but I do know where I am and how I got here so I will start from there and hopefully find out where I need to Journey next.
