Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Coincidences on Purpose

Yesterday I woke up after a refreshing escape in my dreams to the feelings of reality smacking me in the face. I sunk when I felt my necklace hit my chest. Oh yes she’s not here I will never see her again. I missed her more with that thought and tried to push everything aside to go through the motions of my morning. As I walked out the door I blew many kisses to Hunter and held the door open long enough to catch his kisses in return and exchange smiles. I am not sure what made me think of her again but with each step down the stairs a new memory came to mind each one filling my eyes with tears as I broke free form the building. I looked up and saw the most beautiful sight, The Dawn of the new day filled the sky with a bright pink, and orange full of warmth that I felt go right to my heart. I paused closed my eyes and smiled and said out loud (not even feeling ashamed if someone heard me hoping the message got to the one I needed it to get to " I feel you there, I know your right here with me saying it will be okay" I sighed and said " its just so hard to imagine not sharing another moment with you".


I do not believe in coincidences I believe that things happen for a reason and have a purpose if you truly look. A few days after she passed I started to read these positive outlooks on facebook to me they are words of comfort because like the sun they fill me with warmth hope love and they put a smile on my face.

Here are some to share.........
These two I recived a few days before she passed Oct 9th
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This One I recived the day after she passed Oct 13th
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This one 3 days later when I hit the anger part of greiving. Oct 15th
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This one was on the 17th
Photo: Remember when you are crying...
This one when I just wrote about the last time hugging her in my jornal and the last words she said to me "I Love You" at this point she wasnt saying more then Yes.
 



Oct 20th it reminded me of her...


Oct 23



Oct 24th
Photo: Really, say it to yourself right now...

Photo: <3 Life's Cheerleader <3

Oct 25th



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Photo: I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become. — Carl Jung

<3 www.positiveoutlooksblog.com


Photo: "When you reach that place where most people would give in and give up, keep giving it another shot." — Karen Salmansohn, best selling author, www.notsalmon.com



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Photo: Is this true for you? Think of a goal you are reaching for, your dream perhaps and tell us how far you have come. Not how much further you have to go, but how far you have come....Tell us!

Photo: Great quote from http://www.livelifehappy.com/

<3 Our official website: www.positiveoutlooksblog.com

Photo: Way bigger!

Photo: Keep on moving!

Photo: Do you believe? I hope you do.

Photo: Never forget those who never gave up on you.

<3 More on our website: www.positiveoutlooksblog.com

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Photo: "I hope I can be the autumn leaf, who looked at the sky and lived. And when it was time to leave, gracefully it knew life was a gift." — Dodinsky , www.dodinsky.com

<3 Author of IN THE GARDEN OF THOUGHTS http://amzn.to/TPNksY

Image by John De Bord Photography

More on our website: www.positiveoutlooksblog.com

Beautiful Moments:

The wind was blowing against the building and it was howling Hunter woke up came to and said theres a monster out there I said no hunny its the winds Monsters are just pretend he said no it has a head arms and a face.
LOL

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Remembering and Creating Memories


I sit here on Remembrance Day not remembering solders that gave their life ( however I am truly thankful ) I am remembering Dawn who ensured that I had a chance for a life.

We celebrated her life on Friday and what an event it was there were so many people (2-300) a lot from my past social workers, Foster parent, fellow Crown ward kids, Dawns family and Friends. I was taken back by two things one the sure amount of people that knew dawn and were touch by having Dawn in there life, and listening to all the stories of Dawn and seeing all the common themes of who she was to different people. I was honour to speak about her on behalf of all the Crown (other kids in Care of the children s aid society) here is my speech.

Dawn

When I was asked to speak about Dawns on behalf of all the young people that Dawn worked with I felt truly honoured. Dawn was one of the most influential people in my life, the impact she had on me will be everlasting as I am sure it will also be for all young people Dawn dedicated her work to.

The first time I met Dawn I was just about five years old. Dawn came to my house as a support worker for my family. I remember thinking that she looked so beautiful and warm. That was until she announced that her first task with all of us was to have us make our beds, as you can imagine I was less then impressed nobody had done that before. As I struggled and grew frustrated all thumbs twisted in the sheets I felt like a failure. I looked up in defeat and there Dawn was with a warm smile and some encouragement. She was there to ensure I didn’t give up and to to support me through the process. At the time I didn’t understand why it was important to learn to make my bed, But I know I am forever great full that she was there to guide me through this process of this lesson and many other life lessons I was yet to make.

I feel that this is a metaphor of how Dawn was with all her kids that she worked with. She supported them with positive emotions showed them kindness warmth and love and gave them guidance to aspire for a brighter futures,. She saw something in me in all of us and helped us see it and believe in our selves. Dawn was always there for me in my life more then the call of social worker duty. She took me in the her home with her family to share her life and create happy childhood memories that I treasure dearly and grow excited to share with my own children. I went to her in times where I felt like I couldn’t go to anyone else and she had an amazing gift in one conversation to point you north and make you feel calm collected and ready for anything that life could through at you. Dawn had a passion for her job and cared deeply for each child in her case load. When her efforts did not get what her “Kids” needed she would shake up any tree to get what she felt we deserved. She did this so each of us had all the opportunities we needed to change our lives and become a success story’s, I am sure she did this because if she didn’t maybe nobody else would. Her efforts were not in vein there are many of us that are thankful for having her there for each step of the way. After all here is my success story I am now happily married to Doug and have two beautiful boys Hayden and Hunter and a Career inspire young lives at the YMCA.

I will leave you with some of the things that I learned from Dawn and will carry with me forever.

Dawn believed that we should not be ashamed of where we came from how we grew up these are the experiences that shape us. She taught me to draw upon those experiences struggles and successes to learn something positive from them and grow upon. After all I couldn’t control my past but my future was my choices and my decisions of where I want my life to go. She also taught me to be selfish, to take care of my self , believe in my self then and only then can I be there for others.

I was overwhelmed by the responses I revived from everyone about my words and I was so happy to be able to share a sliver of what Dawn meant to me. I could never put into words everything as it would be in its self a never ending story.

I still cant believe she is gone forever, I find my self for a split second of calling her and connecting about some thing that has happened in my life then reality comes crashing down. At the celebration I felt like the whole time I would turn to see her walking through the room. I am left with questions of why her of all people she did so much good for everyone in her life and had such a purpose. I cannot help but question spirituality and after life I am so cynical and wish to believe that she is still somewhere happy but I know inside that is not the point she is gone from here and all of us it was her life and lessons and what she did that we celebrate hold on to and connect with her again. Life is the important thing not Death and what happens after. I miss her with every ounce of my mind body and heart and often write of talk to her wishing for a response.

I know that she inspired me so much in life and I am trying to figure out what I can do to honour that I believe it getting back to my roots of where I came from (Children s Aid Society) and touching and inspiring some young lives so they to will aspire for a better life.

I felt pretty drained after this and as I wipe the tears from my eyes i am reminded of the things and moments in my life that keep me going strong.

Beautiful moments:

Hayden and Hunter had a little bit of a incident where they were booth banned to their rooms which are next to each other they started talking through the heating vent on the wall. Hunter very innocently says " wait Hayden are you in there?" pointing to the wall "how did you get in the wall???" Hayden says " I am stuck" Hunters says " don’t worry I ll get you out" Jumps up and says to the rescue.

Hayden after the science Centre yesterday says " This has been the best day of my life, I got to go to Karate, have a haircut, eat Pizza Pizza, go to the science Centre all in one day"

We managed to fit in Drawing together shapes and "plans", creating play dough monsters, Dog walking, Science Centre the Movies, Sleep overs and Dinner in our weekend too I am Tired but content because for me too it was a great weekend of creating memories.

here are some Photos of course.
          Always a good source of entertainment.

 
Working on Play dough Monsters





Hayden is always looking after Hunter I love them
 
Light Table
 
 
Hunter Stoped just before this in Aw watching the puff of smoke rise to the ceiling

 
Bubbles!
 
Hayden's Favorite making rivers
 
 
 
 
Oh so worth the pennies
 
Who's going to WIN??
 
I love the looks of Concentration, Wonder and Discovery

 
Making Noise



Drawing Just like Hayden