Bottled Up Excitment

Today I realised that this is it were are on the count down until we don't live in Whistler and move away. Its crazy to think that we are actually leaving, we talked about it many times, but I always thought it would be Toronto or Vancouver, not a smaller more remote Resort town. Don't get me wrong I am excited but I go through waves of emotions about this.

When the Realtor called us today he gave me the run down of the town, the layout, and what its like there ( Great Realtor). He talked about Summer activities, wake boarding, water skiing, swimming, Mountain biking, Hiking, Golfing, and Camping. He also told me the winter perks of course its Skiing, its funny he actually asked if Hayden skied before, ah hemmm of course hes a Whistler Kid practically Alexander Biladoue. I just said he definitely a seasoned skier in fact way better then me. I keep out the part that I snowboard and he get board going up with me, and has to slow down and wait for me. I felt at ease and a rush of bottled up excitement came through me, for the first time since the okay were moving lets get busy.

As I was getting the boys ready to go to Soccer and Doug was working his last shift here. I also realised that the 6 weeks of being alone here with the boys, the dog, running my home day care and packing the house are going to be vary hard. I don't know how I will get through but I know I will and the end result will be so great. I guess if you just do and don't think, things are not that hard, its when you put too much thought into it that you have too much time to think of how hard it is.

Beautiful moment brought to you by Hunter.......

Today while at the pool Hunter was a little nervous about going in the water but quickly recovered after his brother showed him how cool it really was. Hunter quickly grew courageous and began to copy me blowing bubble into the water by sticking his face under he laughed and laughed and decided to try it over and over with the occasionally cough and sputter from ingesting the water. I then explained to him you can also go under all you have to do is close your eyes and blow bubble and go down and up. I also showed how it was done and then under he went, and he came up smiling and so happy of his new trick.

Off we go

Well as life changes and makes new paths although they never seam easy I know deep inside my heart they must be better, that's what keeps me going.

This week Doug got an offer for a management position in a new resort in Invermere B.C. about 10 hours away from where we are now. Truth is we were sitting around one night and he was looking at jobs Toronto, Calgary Vancouver then up pops Invermere he looks at me and says how would you feel about moving to Invermere?I gave him a blank look ( I had no Idea what Invermere was. He says its another Resort town kind of like Whistler but really small and remote. Out of my mouth before i can stop to think what the repercussions good or bad I say sure go for it. After that we discussed the pros of small village life, cheep housing lower cost of living, then Whistler after all we will never have millions for our house. We talked about what living there would entail for us, what he would do what I would do. And just like that I forgot about it until Doug received a phone call (yes another one) and its a for an interview!!!! okay now I am thinking we can do this I am so excited if he gets good money everything will be good again. Well then he has the interview and afterwards hes so happy, it went really good, but like any high their is a low, Then Dougs head if full of the what ifs, What if they don't treat me right ? what if you cant get a job? What if their is nothing to do? what if their is no housing? what if the car doesn't make it out their? What if they want me right away? What about Hayden Summer camp? and of course the debate that comes with that. After turning all those uncertainties into positive I walk away feeling unsure my self, with my own what ifs, What if i don't get paid well ? What if I cant do a home day care? what if I have to put Hunter and Hayden in day care? I realise that any quest in life come with work and a little Scarface other wise its not a quest is it. Well I problem solve write out every equation to figure out all my problems. I realise that there comes a point where you can over think things and some times you just have to leap and close your eyes and believe in your self and you can make it happen. So I am Leaping>>>>>>>>>>>>

I landed and open my eyes I got a job at a day care, Hayden and Hunter have a spot in day care and we are moving. All that is left is a place to live. Oh and I have 4 weeks alone here in Whistler with the boys while Doug starts his new position. I am a little scared and overwhelmed but it better then being scared and underwhelmed about life. Things are going sideways and up and I am going to try to enjoy the ride maybe Ill close my eyes for the really scary parts like I did on the Behemoth roller coaster at wonderland last year.

Beautiful Moments brought to you by Hunter.......

Today Hunter discovered that he could stomp his feet to turn him self in circles he laughed and laughed until he fell down then he got up did one circle and fell again tried to get up again and couldn't he got so mad and began to yell at me as if to say hey do something about this I am not suppose to fall and its all your fault...

Barbie Girl

How is it that in one week our lives become a roller coaster ride of emotions and events. My mind is racing all day long with scenarios and what ifs. I am making list upon list regarding the what if and not even sure where this roller coaster begins or ends it just feel like it goes on for ever at each turn I become more anxious as we approach scary and scary parts.

I have been going through the motions of my day to day life with a head full of future fantasies.

I had one of my clients parents tell me this week that someone told her I was closing the home day care and moving to Toronto, I was taken back at how quickly my thoughts turn to gossip and get around before I know whats happening with me. I guess if I write in a public way that's what happens. I wasn't ready for that conversation so I avoided it.

Truth is I wasn't sure of what was happening until this very moment and now that I know I do have to keep it off here until I talk to my clients. I do feel that this is my way of dealing with life so i cannot avoid writing any longer but you will just have to wait to see what happens next.

A long time ago in high school I went to a friend of mines house and her boy friend was doing some hand readings I believe about every ones future. So for fun I asked to be read, If I would have known how log I would carry what he said with me I probably would have never asked. The guy was nice enough but I truly never had a connection with him more his girlfriend so I wasn't 100% comfortable with him either, but truthfully I didn't give a s**** (or so i thought)so off I went. He took me in to a separate room I had no idea what to think but we curious about what he would say after all everyone else looked pleased with their results. Well he looked at my hands and then seriously looked at me and continued to say something (forgive me it was along time ago I don't remember exactly what he said) along the line of if I new what a plastic person was ( all I could think of is that song (this ages me) I am a Barbie girl, I said of course I thought he was going to tell me to watch out for plastic people well instead he told me that I was the plastic person and that I just do what everyone else is doing with out thinking about what I want. This stung worst then a bee bite but I was young and said to myself F*** him he doesn't know what hes talking about. The reason why I am writing about this is that I didn't really think much about this until later in my life it did hurt and I did hate hearing something like that about me. I feel like I worked hard i my life to find out what love and happiness was, after a childhood of disappointments and broken hearts. (I laid in bed as a kid and cried my self to sleep most nights with a pain so heavy in my chest I thought I was having a heart attack.) I found my adventure, friends who loved me and I loved back< I found my new family and I made my way through it was hard work but I made it better and I broke a huge cycle. I am hear now sitting a my House with a wonderful Husband and two beautiful boys. I believe that the kind of person I am is fair and I love to play all angles and I feel that I appreciate the difference in life and i don't agree with all opinions but I appreciate them. I feel like I like to be quite and enjoy my thought in my own head with the background noise of the wind and the water. I also like it crazy exciting and loud like a busy rock concert.

Back then sitting their as a seventeen year old, I was scared, Sad, Felt like I didn't have a family only friends, I was unsure of who I was, but hell i was seventeen who the hell are you when your seventeen. I dint understand being called plastic and how that would make me feel, but now I do and know that it take all these experience and emotions to make someone real. I am not fake or plastic I proud to me and all my roller coaster of emotions.

Beautiful Moments brought to you by Hayden.......

When talking about the what ifs Hayden says I think that not matter where we go you day care kids will love the new house and back yard....lol he thinks the world is so small and that everything including Vancouver is just up the street.

(this doesn't mean I am moving we are just very honest with Hayden with all of our plans)

Beautiful moments brought to you by Hunter....

Sitting my the door tonight he looked up at Hayden and said AIIIIDEENNthen I asked his to say it again and he pointed to Hayden and said AIIIIDDDEN first time he ever said Hayden's name Hayden was so happy.

Hope

Hope is something you feel very strong in your hear you can hold on to it tight, it can hold you up when your falling. Hope is company on a lonely night, Hope is something you carry with you but takes up no space. Hope is in your eyes heart and soul, Hope is spoken in many languages and shared by everyone. Hope sometimes Hurts us in the end and doest always lead you to where you wasn't to but no matter where you go you will return to hope. Hope is something that we hold so valuable but has no value at all. Hope is s shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold it can be shared or keept to your self. As long as you have hope is doesnt matter if you have nothing else.

Sorry for the short post I am in a weird moment in life and need to keep it private untill i can sort it all out and write about it.

Someone made scrambled eggs out of my life.

Our lives have changed again by yet another phone call. This time they changed in a good way. I wasn't really prepared for this so I am feeling like I am in a dream and holding my breath.
A few post back I wrote about how we were waiting to hear back from a job for Doug here in Whistler. The thing is the job could have been very good, but the company wasn't good at all, they had a history of screwing Doug out of money and over working him. Doug applied because of money and he felt as a mature person that he put all that aside and just work. Well they never got back to him or even had the decency to call him give him any news. Doug still works for them part time and last week goes into work and finds they have hired someone. Really professional. Anyway we decided that was that and they were not worth any more of our time . Doug started applying everywhere in hope of landing a good job.
One place that he applied to was a management position in another resort town called Invermere and we thought it sounded really nice they have skiing, snowboarding, and a Huge lake for summer sports too. From what I know its a really small town but the houses are cheep cost of living is cheaper tehn here and it looks really nice. He applied and didn't hear back, so I had moved on to thinking about moving other places. Well we got the phone call yesterday they want an interview!!! Now if the moneys right and he gets the position were are moving to Invermere. I am excited but nervous we looked at houses yesterday and there cheaper then here, they have a daycare center so that's good for me. I feel like I don't want to get excited because if it doesn't work out Ill be disappointed and sad. I feel like I cant plan anything and I need to plan everything. I feel like someone hit the pause button on my life at the cliffhanger in the movie. I feel like I am holding my breath....................................................................................
All I can do is avoid thinking about this and the pain of my other phone call. I keep my self busy with the children. We have been playing at the beach lots, getting sandy laughing its nice. My thoughts get interrupted all the time of things that remind me of things I don't want to think about. I see my first gray hair I reminded of MOM and when she stopped dyeing her hair and embracing againg gracefully and how beautifull she looked with her hair gray and long ....why do I think of that not sure.... I see a for sale sight while walking the kids to the beach and I think of Moving...... I am walking with the family last night I see some one fishing with and young boy and I think of my brother( another post and well go there) I think of him everyday and I talk to him and miss him even after 10 years.
This Post is so scrambled but its how I am feeling right now.

On to the beautiful moments brought to you by Hayden.......
He was catching small minnow like fish at the beach with his net and a friend. They got so excited after a big deep scoop and he shouts out across the beach to me "Hey mom I caught a heard" This makes me laugh I go over and say "You know a heard of fish can be called a school too" His thinks for a moment looks in to the bucket and says "Yep look this ones bigger then the rest he must be the Teacher"

Beautiful Moment brought to you by Hunter.......

Hunter spent most of the day toddling around the beach in a onsie, Sandy bum and a Hat. As happy as can be smiling at everyone say HI BY, BY to everyone. When another kids takes something from him he says Thank you, all done. Sounds more like TOO DOO ALLL DUNNN. I love his easy going nature sometimes hard to see in between all his energetic tantrum nature.

I watched criminal intent last night and ironically the end of the show they had this quote.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson