42 Days...................

Hes Gone, My Husband left this morning for Invermere. I tried for the past week not to think about it too much, so I could actually pretend that the moment we were living in would last for ever and the reality that I am in now was not going to happen. The times where I couldn't help but think of him leaving I started to get overwhelmed, Sad, and Sentimental. Overwhelmed because I knew tonight I will lay away trying to sleep like I do when hes not home and listen for the car to pull in and him to walk in the door, but he wont and I wont be able to sleep well without him, I will wake for every sound and roll over to feel blanket and pillows, I will wake from bad dream and roll over to wrap my hand around him so that I am able to sleep and he wont be there. Overwhelmed because every meal making, back rubbing, house cleaning, Dog walking, laundry cleaning, driving to activities, diaper changing, house packing and play will come form me for 42 days........I no longer have my partner in crime, my assistant Home Day Care Teacher, I loved that for the past 6 months he was here with me anytime I needed a diaper, child carried downstairs, lunch cleaned up, laundry done, a meals made someone to listen to me or a child to laugh because he would play peek a boo or throw them up above his head, wll this even with out me asking. I am going to miss for 42 days..... the night we spend relaxing watching our show talking about life or enjoying our comfortable silences. I am going to miss watching how much the boys light up when your around and the sweet interactions of silliness or love for 42 days............ I am going to miss my best friend and the only person that knows all the right things to say and do ( and sometimes the wrong but hey that's married life) for 42 days......... I feel sad because I don't have anyone here that I talk to on a daily bases or someone juts to chill with or be there for me, I really feel all alone. I feel sentimental every time I see something that reminds me of our life together here like the paths we walk with the dog and the places we play with the kids.

I keep thinking of the day I gave birth to the boys and Doug was there right behind me and just when I thought I CANNOT DO THIS he gently put his hand on my shoulders and said so calm and soft baby your so strong and you can do this besides you have no choice the baby's coming. I remember the feeling of strength I got from his words. I have to carry that feeling to now and find that strength to get through 42 days with out him.

I love you baby and I am there with you every step of your day and when we close our eyes at night, hug our pillows we will be hugging each other in spirit. Thank you for everything you do, I never say it enough how much I appreciate all that you do and how much you love us and live for us. How much you love the boys and would do anything for them and how much you love and care about me.

Remember its only 42 days.......

beautiful Moments brought to you by Hunter..........

Hunters new word that he uses so much if OFF but he doesn't really use it for off he uses it for hey let me up, I want on your lap, Open the window, and get me out of the high chair, its way to cute, I love all the new words that are coming through this week he has learned Sock, Shoes, Off, Car.

I love that when he points to the car he says Daddy's truck.

I love that when we went to the city this weekend he got so excited about all the people and trucks that all he could say over and over is TRUCCCKK, Hi, Bye Bye, TRRUCCK Hi Bye Bye.

Beautiful Moments brought to you by Hayden....

Hayden is such a country boy I love it! While in the city this weekend, I did have to remind him of our city rules, we have to be able to see him at all times and be holding hands when its really busy and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!! Well I couldn't help but let him touch a leaf he found on the grass and watch as he picked it up to put in the rain water stream in the ditch to watching race down the hill and he cheered as it floated by. Gross to the ditch and dirty city ground by hey I would have missed my country boys beautiful moment.