The art of Turning away from night(reality)mares, and not running.

Sometimes when I remember back to the days I have come so far. I wonder how I got here exspecially following the paths I crossed. The funny thing about life is as long as your hearts a beating, your living, you have no choice but keep going forward. Sometimes not wanting to admit or admire actions of the past. Thank god for the good one that seam to erase the past. I try not to look to far ahead until it's a dream. I try not to look to far back that's it's a nightmare. Right here is ware I like it present with a little hind and foresight going foreword.

I somehow feel compelled tell a story from long ago. I cannot remember everything so clear now. As pain erases it all. I remember they day I realized I was different and didn't quite fit in the mold of normal, or the mold of my family, I grew up lost somewhere I between. 

You see I knew she drank and changed at the tip of hat. I loved her unconditionally and was blinded to see beyond that. I was a child caught in between innocents and reality of life. 

I remember having this dream that reoccurred for many years. I would be at of town home we shared as a family briefly before we were split. My mother would be  taking my younger brother upstairs for a bath. I went into the kitchen , to look in the junk drawer for stickers, then she came in the door to outside. Mommy! But you were upstairs. she said nothing just kept walking towards me distant faint stare not all there. I felt fear, I needed to find mommy. I started to run upstairs but my legs felt like weights I am not fast enough, She is conning to get me. 

That's it I am awake.

 Many years the dream haunted me. It only took adulthood to see the meaning. 

You see my mom was a sober/ on medication version, and the She was the drunk/ ill minded version of herself. Kind of like the devil in disguise, and just like that I was running for my life unexpectedly. As a child I had no idea how to articulate what I witnessed nothing to tell me what the things I Fremont mention. I did however aquire the skill to wake my self up during nightmares, and eventually to cause night(and reality)mares to subside.

Spot of reflection.